Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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