How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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