So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
