Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
