I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
