i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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