just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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