I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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