sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize