Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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