Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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