She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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