I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
