Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
