you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
