Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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