Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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