I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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