I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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