We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
