I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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