did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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