omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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