She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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