Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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