its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
