would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize