she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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