I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
