He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
