Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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