Nicole vs. Life
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
