You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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