I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
