im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize