a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
