Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
