I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
