How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
