I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
