how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
