is your mom at the bar?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
