i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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