her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
