It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
