My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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