I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
