at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My vagina just recognized that song.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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