I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
