Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
