I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
