Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
