Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
