New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh god it's open bar.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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