Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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