The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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