Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
