So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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