I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
