OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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