What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Two words: nipple clamps
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