she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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