sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
