do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Damn victory sex feels great
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
