Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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