I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
