I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize