I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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