my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
3 2 1 whiskey
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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