I met the friendliest cop last night
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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