the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
