he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
