yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
