he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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