We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
