i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
