I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
